How often have you thought to meditate or “be still” but put it off for some reason? Perhaps you’ve decided to sit still for a while and tried to be be mindful but something stops you.
For those lucky to have experienced occasional states of peace and calm in this fast paced world, an inner calling to meditate is sometimes heard. Many times, I’ve heard that inner wise voice and have chosen to ignore it. It’s hard to ignore that wisdom, especially as we’re so often overwhelmed by modern life, but it’s even harder to listen to it! What then?
One reason why there is often resistance to meditation is the state of being antsy that comes after long periods of activity or giving way to distraction. In my case, there is a part of me that just cannot tolerate being uncomfortable. Do you have something similar?
When we do eventually allow ourselves the space and time to meditate, it’s because parts of us have allowed it. E.g. a part that might have the impulse to move is actually willing to take a break and let us meditate. However, some time into our meditation we might be confronted with parts of us that don’t want to carry on past the first few minutes or even seconds. These might be:
- Parts that wants to distract us.
- Parts that would rather do something fun!
- Parts that are busy planning or organizing our day and think about the next item on our to-do list.
- Parts of us that dislike or even hate uncomfortable feelings. Parts that want peace/calm.
- Parts that want us to meditate properly and by-the-book.
In meditation, we can often be confronted with an inner battle… and being with that inner conflict in itself can be uncomfortable. Previously, I’ve suddenly interrupted my meditation at this point and decided to do something else. A part of me pipes up “Who needs this discomfort? Perhaps I don’t even need to Be Still!”
Something wise eventually perks up saying “it will be helpful!”. For me this has happened usually during times of overwhelm, and I resolve to meditate again. So the cycle continues. Until, that is, I go beyond it.
The next leg of the journey then is not identifying with the part of us that dislikes that inner battle. Our inner core and Self is not that part of us. Rather than identifying with that part, we can hold it in our field of awareness. If you’re unsure of this, test it. Are you the noise in your internal system? Are you the discomfort? Are you even the battle? For as long as the answer is “I don’t know” carry on testing.
Maybe there will always be noise and inner parts jostling — perhaps even lots of it — as long as we are human or identified with ‘ego’. At some point, we start directing our attention elsewhere, perhaps even to consider WHO is looking at the noise or inner discomfort.
Eventually, something weird might happen. The stillness and calm at one’s core gets louder.